I'm Not Allowed to be Selfish
by UnconformedXRebel
Summary: Summary of First Chapter: Hermione's in relationship somehow Draco will come into play. I need HELP on this one. Suicide, Drug Mentions, and a bit of bad language.


**Disclaimer **: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters or anything….at all unfortunately. I'm not even sure if I can claim this plot to be mine because it is so commonly used. So here's to the person who wrote the first DM/HG story! And another to J.K Rowling ! And another to the entire existence of Draco (that includes you Tom). And I think I'm :hick-up: drunk!……. I wonder what would happen to me if I did try to claim Harry Potter…. YOU wouldn't sue me… would you?

A/N : No Draco yet. So sorry. Warning: Mentions of drugs, alcohol, and slight language. Suggested song Breaking Benjamin: Rain

So here's the story!

Surrounded by cold and pain, a young girl around the age of 16 is standing on a bridge. Her arms stretched out before her and her hands grasped the waist high cement wall. She looked down into the water. Her tears mixed with rain. The pain was so intense that it began to numb the rest of her mind. She was tired, scared, and lonely. She took a sharp intake of breath before climbing on top of the wall. She spun around and let herself go. Her mind plummeted into a world of complete darkness.

Just then a young mans black Converse pounded at the pavement. He was running as far as he could toward the bridge. His eyes were wide with fear and shock. He was panting nearly out of breath as he reached the wall. He peered over the wall. He couldn't see anything it was so dark out. Without a second thought he hopped over the wall and fell a good fifty to sixty feet before hitting the water. The water was freezing but he couldn't stop now. He kicked his feet hard and swam to the surface. As he reached it he looked around while gasping for breath. He could barely see anything and the rain wasn't helping any. Suddenly lightening flashed and he saw a faint outline of her about ten feet away from him, unconscious.

He swam as fast as he could to her. He wrapped his arm around her and began to swim to shore. It took him about 20 minutes and he was exhausted. He reached over to see that she still had a pulse and was breathing faintly. He somehow mustered up the strength to stand up, pick her up and carry her to his house. His parents weren't home so no one asked. They were both soaked and freezing. He could have been concerned less about himself right now. He decided first thing first he would have to change her out of her soaking wet clothes. He decided to leave her the confidence of leaving her underwear on. He put her in his infamous 'Kiss me I'm Shitfaced' shirt. Which he got expelled for a week for wearing it to school, and a pair of shorts she had left behind last summer when they had changed to go swimming in his pool.

He then laid her in his king sized bed and covered her with his black comforter. Then he changed himself. When he was done he crawled onto the bed and looked at her in remorse for a few moments. He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes. His lips still on her forehead, he began to cry lightly and hugged her closely. He began to speak.

'_Oh God Hermione. I'm so sorry.'_

He laid his head on her chest, held her tight and gave into exhaustion.

She woke up in _his _arms. She looked down into his face as he slept. She wished this moment would last forever. It may not be happy but it's peaceful. Probably the last peaceful moment she'd have with him. She kissed him on top of his head. He snuggled closer against her unconsciously. What would happen when he awoke? Would he be angry with her? Would he want to start over again?

They had know each other forever. Before Hermione was born her parents moved next door to the Armstrong's. In their quite suburban town. Hermione was born the day after the Armstrong's sons first birthday. They grew up together. Ever since the summer of Hermione's forth year at Hogwarts ( He's why she broke up with Victor. He must have been jealous. ), they had been going out. When she went off to school he'd send her mail daily. He knew she was a witch. It didn't bug him one bit. He always knew there was something magical about her.

Now she wished she could go back to those days when they were nine or ten. A few months into Hermione's sixth year at Hogwarts he met a new group of people. He had always been a punk but they overdid it. They did drugs, smoked, and drank a lot. That's when it started. Hermione noticed she got letters from him still but barely. They were all short and seemed rushed, like he had something better to do. She thought he might be seeing someone else. He wasn't. He was out getting drunk or high. Forgetting all about her. When she came back for Thanksgiving vacation she noticed a difference. When she found out what he'd been up to she broke down. He always seemed like such a happy person. She never thought this would happen. He seemed so strong before but now he seemed weak. She still loved him and wished him the best but, God she wanted him to stop. She suggested that and he just walked away. Leaving a heartbroken Hermione behind.

Hermione went back to Hogwarts feeling lonely. Her boyfriend, someone she'd known all her life, wasn't being himself. She had always had him there for her before. Every single year, right before she left, he would hug her tight and say '_No matter what I'll always love you. I promise.'_ Then he'd kiss her, hug her closely some more and then she'd be on her way to Hogwarts. Then when she was at school no matter what was going on between her, Ron, Harry, or even Malfoy she always had him there to help her.

He began to stir in his sleep. He was about to awaken Hermione could tell. _Should I run?_ Hermione thought. She didn't. His eyes fluttered open slowly. He yawned and looked up to see Hermione awake. He put his head back down and starred off into space, thinking about yesterday.

: _Flashback_:

Hermione was crying.

"_Hermione . . ."_

"_I know what's going on Derek." :Long Pause: "Why?"_

"_Don't worry I'm fine."_

"_No you're not! You overdosed!"_

"_Please . . ."_

"_Please what Derek?"_

"_I need you . . ."_

"_No Derek you don't understand! We're falling apart."_

"_Don't say that! We're stronger. . ."_

"_Stronger than ever! Oh come on! You don't really believe that, do you?"_

"_If it's so bad why don't you just leave then! Just like everyone else, just like my father, just like my brother! All I need is for you to leave and my miserable life will be complete!"_

He shouted so loud that Hermione was startled. She began to sob harder.

"_Fine." _

She said it so softly that is scared him more than any scream could. That's when she turned and left. Just like he asked. She want to the bridge . . . And jumped.

:End:

He began to cry. That one word: "_Fine"_ just how she said it and looked at him made his heart throb with guilt. It stopped his heart. Every time he replayed it in his head, he had wished he'd kept his mouth shut. It's what made him run after her in worry. It was amazing with the simple way of how she said something allowed to him read her like an open book. It's how he ken what to say and do. Now he didn't have a clue.

Hermione just laid there caught in a daze when she felt her shirt ( His shirt actually ) getting wet. She looked down to see Derek crying silently. She looked into his eyes. He seemed lost. She wished she could take away all his pain and make his world right again. Suddenly there was a knock at the door startling them both from there thoughts.

Derek looked up at Hermione who just smiled back. Derek got up and answered the door. It was one of his old friends. Of the ones who didn't do drugs, Jimmy. He let Jimmy in who thanked him.

"_Thanks man. Hey, I tried calling you but I got no answer."_

"_What did you need?"_

"_I just wanted to make sure you knew about the storm."_

"_Yeah, it's been going for a while now."_

"_The news said it's not going to let up in a while. We're in a high flood warning and most of the town including my house . . ."_

Jimmy stopped talking because suddenly the power went out.

" _. . . has no power." _Jimmy continued. "_So . . . What's up? Haven't seen you around in a while."_

"_Not much. Hermione's here for Thanksgiving vacation and she's upstairs."_

Just as he said that Hermione began walking down stairs.

"_Actually I'm right here. Hey Jimmy."_

"_Hey."_

"_How are you feeling?" _Derek asked Hermione

"_Okay, did the power just go out?"_

"_Yup. Jimmy say's the storm isn't about to get any better." _

"_Oh God."_

"_So you wanna stay here and hang out for a while Jim?" _

"_Sure."_

Hermione, Derek, and Jimmy started a fire in the fireplace and just sat around before everyone got hungry. Then they raided Derek's fridge and cabinets for food and went back to fireplace while talking and joking around.

A few hours went by and Jimmy left for home. Hermione wanted to go home and change as well. Derek handed her an umbrella before she left. He watched her walk down his driveway from his screen door when he got an idea. He pushed the door open and ran to Hermione who was now walking across her lawn to her house. He grabbed her shoulders and turned her around. He looked her in the eyes and took the umbrella in his hand before throwing it aside. He kissed her gently, took her hands in his, and began to slow dance with her in the rain. He twirled her around a few times and they danced for a while before he kissed her and then lead her home.

_End of Chapter One_

So What did ya think? Ok I need help desperately! I need to have a nice way of, kind of getting rid of Derek. Of of of of. Did I say of enough? Lol.


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